GalacTilda, chiseled from spectral marble, has otherworldly powers. She is a shape-shifter. And she makes for killer (and extremely versatile) style articulations.
Behold, I take you to your leader:
If you were given only this collection of images and asked to identify the subject(s), would you have guessed that each shot is of the same person?
So, I mean, the whole *point* of the damn Met Ball is to get crazy. Exspecially when it’s a tribute to Alexander Freaking McQueen and titled Savage Freaking Beauty.
AND YET…. (depressed monotone)…
nude column
nude column
black column
black column
snore.
……
………
………..
Annnnnnnnnnnd now for some YAY! INTERESTING! FABULOUS! CRAZY! FUN! looks:
my easy pick for best non-McQueen:
YES. KAROLINA, YES!!
(karolina kurkova, jean paul gaultier)
YELLOW.
(liv tyler, givenchy)
AWESOME COLOR SCHEME/SHOE/MAKEUP/JEWELRY COMBO.
(ginnifer goodwin, custom topshop)
MCQUEEN LADYTUX.
(hilary rhoda, alexander mcqueen)
HEY LOOK, SHE’S WEARIN’ A *GOWN*…..WITH A *TIE*.
(freida pinto, chanel)
J.LO HOT PINK DOING J.LO FACE. (NATURALLY.)
(jennifer lopez, gucci)
NUCLEAR WINTOUR THAW! ANNA! WITH A FUN DRESS! AND SMILING!
(anna wintour, chanel)
GIANT RED GOWN EXPLOSION.
(doutzen kroes, giambattista valli)
BEAUTIFUL ORNAMENTS.
(isabel lucas, louis vuitton)
And, so, my wish for next year’s Met Ball is a moratorium on:
(1) nude columns (suck it, Michael Kors);
(2) black columns (Penelope Cruz, we are fighting);
(3) nude platforms (GODDAMMIT already);
(4) simple one-shoulder gowns (there’s a time and a place, people, and the Met Ball is not it);
(5) fishtail hems, BEYONCE;
(6)StellaGoddamnMcCartneyIDon’tCare*Who*YourFatherIs; and
(7) the plague upon humanity that is Sarah Jessica Parker.
Filed under: art
Am convinced this chick is from another planet. I mean that in a good way. She can wear goddamn *anything* and look beautiful and totally comfortable. And I LOVE this dress. Holy crap, it’s beautiful. And so interesting. And the color combo is just so prettyyyy.
I feel like if I ever had the opportunity to go to the Oscars, or similar, I would wear a vintage Valentino red. So, yay Anne Hathaway! I’m not sure a dress that’s about 10 years old really counts as “vintage”, but who cares. SO beautiful. Also, she has HUGE features (eyes and mouth). I mean that in a nice way. And I like the “air” with which she wears dresses – – kind of a comfortable, casual vibe.
1. Floofy, interesting Marchesa gowns. Like, mebbe some of these.
2. Giant, colorful John Galliano dressbombs.
3. NO GODDAMN NUDE PLATFORM PUMPS. I MEAN IT.
Celeb/Stylist: Howzabout these?
No.
Celeb/Stylist: Well then, what about these?
NO.
Celeb/Stylist: …..These??
NOOOO!!!!!
Celeb/Stylist: Ooooh, I know…these!
(Celeb/Stylist meets with unfortunate accident involving being thrown into the East River whilst wearing nude platform pumps *encased in concrete*.)
3. More jewelry that is not standard issue Neil Lane white diamond stuff. Also, hair jewelry. Also, hair flowers.
4. No one-shoulder gowns. I don’t hate them; I actually like them. But, it’s been one-shoulder overkill. So, take a break. Well, ok, if you REALLY want to wear a one-shoulder, make it a super-interesting or super-beautiful one, ok? Like this one.
5. NO SARAH JESSICA PARKER. EVER. ANYWHERE.
“Balls are to men what purses are to women.” – – SJP, Idiot.
6. A female-type person wearing a pants outfit that is not a tux. Perhaps some sort of edited version of this.
7. Some grilled cheese sandwiches for all those hungry actresses. Here, have a sandwich, lady. Mmmmmmm.
8. Prince. Why not? Also, his style rules. And, um, he’s PRINCE. Bow DOWN, bitches.
9. No EEKK! makeup. (EEva Longoria/Kim Kardashian Makeup)
You know, the “oh looky, i have on fourty thousand pounds of primer (to, uh, prime?), concealer (to conceal), foundation (to spackle) and powder (to set); topped with cheek stain (to glow), cream blush (to contour) and powder blush (to set); plus eyes topped with at least two sets of false lashes (to attract spider friends) with each genuine minkhair lash encased in four thousand coats of Dior mascara and curled into spikes with the ol’ Shu Uemura, and circles of black liquid eyeliner (for DRAMA); all completed by lips painted with balm (to smooth), primer (to, uh, prime???), a custom-blend of 2-5 lipstick shades mixed to create the perfect skin-tone match, gloss (to gloss) and lip plumper (to enhance the effects of that filler, baby)” look. It consists of wearing an incredible amount of makeup, all applied in neutral and nude shades, giving the delusional wearer the idea that she is sporting a “natural look”. However, piling on a load of nude-colored makeup does not make you look nude. Or natural. OBVIOUSLY.
9. An appearance by Maru the Cat. I seriously think Maru should get an Oscar for Best Short Film/Documentary or something.
10. GLOVES! YAY!
And pocket squares for the gents. There are not nearly enough pocket square-wearers in the world.
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